A new month

March and April were big months of loss for us, with April bringing the biggest loss to have reached my family.  I actually visited Nita's graveside today, and I shed a few more tears.  I feel that I have to keep my loss to myself because it is not as big or worthy a loss as Chad's.  I know we all feel loss differently, and we will express it at different times, but it was nice to have a moment all my own.  It is still so fresh and so very sad.  The world does not seem right without her here.  I do not know how often I will visit, or if that will even help me, but I have every intention of taking the boys there soon.  We need to bring her flowers, and they need to see where she is.  I am almost dreading Mother's Day because of her absent.  It will not be the same, and I just pray for strength to help Chad through these "firsts" without his mom.